Addendum to "Love the Ones You're With"

After some constructive and not-so-constructive criticism, I have decided to post an addendum to my previous blog.  It will be in list form, and it will contain of couple of items, "musical party fouls", if you will, suggested by my musical brethren.  Even though I repeatedly explained to them that this wasn't a list of musical party fouls, and was instead a heartfelt plea for people to enjoy music again, they nonetheless demanded contributions.  So without further ado:

1) "Don't criticize people that are better than you"

I'd like to alter this a bit and instead of using "better", which is far too subjective, I will discuss criticizing people who are more successful than you.  Success is still subjective, but certainly less so that "better".  We have concrete measures of success in the real world (yes, music takes place in the real world, not the hippy-artsy world of feelings and inspiration).  For example, are you an emmy-winning writer/producer of TV theme songs?  Then you're more successful than I am at the moment.  Do you gig 6 out of 7 nights in the week, and some afternoon gigs as well?  Then you are more successful than someone who only plays every other Friday.  Have you been able to purchase a house, car, or support a family solely through musical income?  Then you are more successful than a hobbyist who plays for extra spending money.  Do you own a production company?  Receive endorsements from major musical companies?  Score films?  Then odds are you're more successful than someone who doesn't. 

I'm not saying to live and die by what successful musicians think.  All I'm saying is show some respect, and give credit where credit is due.  After all, they're probably successful for very good reasons, and maybe, just maybe, you could learn something from them. 

2)  Don't ask us to work for free.

This is the one that makes me angry, and it makes pretty much every musician I know angry.  Would you ask a carpenter to build you a bookshelf for free?  Would you ask a lawyer to defend you in court for free?  If you answered no, then stop asking me to play free gigs "because this guy will be there", "for your art", or "because we've been friends for years".  In fact, the only reason to ever ask a musician to play a free gig is if it will be GUARANTEED to lead to multiple future paying gigs (showcases fall into this category).  Charity shows are different.  In those cases we are donating our time to help a great cause, and hopefully bringing out even more people to help that great cause.  But it's an insult if you think that I do this purely for fun, because I (and countless others) worked very hard to be able to be proficient enough to even play decently on stage.

Furthermore, just because we're at a party and you have an acoustic guitar doesn't mean I want to play and entertain you and your friends.  And while I'm at it, DON'T ASK ME FOR FREE LESSONS.  I don't care that I've known you for 15 years, or that you've always wanted to learn guitar and it's been a dream since you were 6.  If you ask me for a lesson, offer to pay.  If I refuse (and I probably will refuse money for one-off or sporadic lessons for a friend), then it's all well and good.  But offer.  Or offer to do something else in return for lessons, such as painting my house or fixing my car. 

Prime example: my dog needed medicine, and the vet wanted guitar lessons.  2 one-hour lessons to pay for my dog's allergy medicine?  Sold.  He probably didn't even have to pay for the medicine himself, so he essentially got 2 scott-free lessons, but that isn't the point.  We exchanged service for service.  God bless America.

In the end, my lesson rates are $50 per hour, so buying me lunch won't cut it, walking my dog won't cut it, and expecting me to do it for free just because I know you will CERTAINLY not cut it.  A night out at the strip club?  Now you're getting somewhere.

3) It's more fun playing music with kids than with professionals.

This one is kind of a no-brainer but I feel it has to be said, and is a synthesis of my experience and the musings of my friend who is in the same boat. 

I fought desperately against participating in the House of Music rock show this year because of school.  Then I went to the first rehearsal, and it was amazing, and I realized how good a time these kids have playing rock music through loud half-stacks.  So I got sucked right back into the madness.  I'm now running something like 10 songs, and all of them are just ridiculously good (yes, even Aces High).  The point is that these kids are exactly the opposite of what I wrote about in my last blog.  They are excited, smiling, prepared, cohesive, and professional.  They've done their homework, don't complain about being at rehearsal, and when we finish, THEY ACTUALLY WANT TO PLAY MORE.  Wow!

And for some of them, this is their 3rd or 4th rock show, and their 20th gig.  They are by no means completely green.  Yet they still have that divine spark, that passion for music that at some point most of us lost.  Playing Bad Romance with a group of teenagers (who learned it better and faster than the band I actually play it with) and Sir Duke with a 10 year old singer who owned the song (but also displayed the beginnings of Diva-ism) rekindled something in me, and I hope it continues every week.  

So there you have it, the three big additions that my friends and colleagues requested I add.  Anything else, you folks know where to find me.

Love the Ones You're With

NOTE:  Though my music is hardly relevant to a blog dealing with my academic life, do me a favor and shut up about that fact. 

DISCLAIMER: Don't be offended by anything I say here.  This is a collection of problems that have been building up for the past couple of years.  If you think I'm referring to you, I'm probably not.  But some introspection probably couldn't hurt either.  

Anyone who's known me for more than fifteen minutes knows that music is a massive part of my life.  It's the profession by which I make 90% of my money, and to which I've dedicated approximately 50% of the time I've spent on earth.  Music has cost me 13 years, thousands of dollars, and a minimum of one (1) relationship.  In fact, I am entirely positive that I would be finishing my Ph.D. this spring if I didn't take a few years off to pursue that whole rockstar dream and in the process become much better at my instrument, the concept of music as a profession, marketing, and panhandling.  

Recently though, I've become disillusioned with everything I do musically (not the first time this has happened).  I'm not bored, per se, but I am certainly feeling like I'm spinning my wheels.  I gig more often than ever, and am learning more songs than ever, but the creeping feelings of inferiority are getting stronger, and the people with whom I'm closest musically seem to be starting to hate what we do.

Allow me to explain.  You see, I'm not very good at guitar.  Ok, that's a lie.  I am a good player in that I can physically find my way around the instrument.  I have an intimate knowledge of harmony and I'm not limited to one or two styles of music.  I'm by no means the most versatile guy out there, but in my opinion (feel free to dispute this privately if you wish), I can hold my own on any gig with any players.  While I may not floor the audience I certainly won't embarrass the band in any way (except for isolated incidents where I hit a Bb instead of an Eb in Purple Rain...ahboo).  I can be technical, I can be loose, but I certainly don't have the chops, the improvisational skills, or the catalog of some people out there.

What I do have, and, consequently, why I think I get hired consistently over people who are either better players or better singers (or both), are a very particular set of skills a feverish enthusiasm, intense loyalty, and fervent passion for music, my bandmates, and guitar itself, regardless of what is being played on the gig.  I will play and sing anything (or try to, at least) to the best of my ability, whether I like the song or not, because it's both my job and my love.  I also have a very good ear and an above-average memory for arrangements. 

All of this is just to say that while I may not be the best, I will do MY best to make YOU sound better.  I'll also show up with a positive attitude, ready to work, and committed to the gig or rehearsal.  Out of the countless rehearsals I've done, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've shown up actually (not perceived to be) unprepared, and even those times I've only been semi-unprepared.

Furthermore, I can always be counted on for a successful gig.  If I'm not prepared at a rehearsal, the rest of the band rarely comments on that because they know I'll be more than prepared for the gig.  I can only point to one occasion where a band member chewed me out at rehearsal for a lack of preparation, and, in his words, it was "because I sort of expect a certain level from you and it was weird that you weren't there tonight".  Then we got drunk and two days later played a ridiculously awesome gig.

So what does any of that have to do with other musicians?  It boils down to the fact that recently many musicians I know seem jaded and disillusioned, frustrated that they aren't more successful or better known or being asked to play bigger gigs.  Worse than that, it comes out in stage behavior.  I see people play, or am playing with them, and they are quite clearly not having a very good time.  And worst of all, I get the feeling that at least one of them is going to leave music behind entirely and pursue a "real job" simply because the person feels it's time to "grow up".  Really?  Personally, I've invested far too much effort in my musicianship to quit entirely, and I can't imagine anyone at that level wanting to completely back out. 

It's really tough to show up to a rehearsal or gig slightly giddy and smiling only to have everyone else in the room look at me like I'm some kind of moron for actually wanting to be there.  Maybe it actually is me, maybe I am the idiot for loving playing.  I certainly feel like it more often than not.  Is it wrong that I sort of want to be friends with the people with whom I play music?  Is it wrong for me to be in it for both money and fun?  Is it wrong for me to be slightly nervous at gig because I'm not SO hardcore pro that I think I'll be amazing no matter what (the "I Got It" syndrome)?

Or, maybe, the answer is that I'm just not good enough to hang with the "real players", that enthusiasm, passion, slightly above-average talent, and love of music can only take me so far before you'd rather have a jerkoff on the gig who hates you, hates rehearsing, hates the music you play, and is only there for a paycheck.  He or she WILL floor the audience with his or her grasp of the instrument, but will also play with charts, sit away from the band, look miserable, and fly out of the place as soon as the gig is over. And good luck getting that person to ever return the favor by throwing you a gig. 

Of course, there's sarcasm there.  The most talented "real players" I've ever played with are also the most humble and most excited.  They mess up sometimes, and are slightly nervous like me, but they carry themselves with the same passion and enthusiasm that I like to think I do.  And I'd like to be them someday.  All I'm missing is the 20 years of experience and practice they have on me.

Either way, I'm tired of smiling.  I'm tired of being happy to play music when no one else is.  I'm tired of being grateful and happy for every gig thrown to me when others act like they deserve the gig just for being the amazing musician they are (protip: they don't).  I'm tired of the "I Got It" syndrome.  I'm tired of booking gigs only to have three people tell me they'd rather not play that weekend because they want to go on a picnic or read comic books.  I'm tired of clearing six days of my schedule for a rehearsal only to have someone tell me that they need to have the rehearsal on the only day of the week I can't do because the rest of the band refuses to inconvenience themselves.  Then, when I blow off my previous engagement and show up to that rehearsal anyway, everyone else there is either miserable or unprepared. 

The bottom line is that if what I believe is true, that my passion and enthusiasm get me hired more so than my playing ability, and both of those things are slipping away because it sucks being the only interested person in the room, then music is about to become a very poor career.  Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder to be excited to play music when everyone around me exudes apathy towards it.  Being happy to play music is becoming more work than the learning and playing itself, and I don't know what the solution to this problem can be.